I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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