Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
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