What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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