take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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