He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
