Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
