Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
