thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just cropdusted the office
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
