1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
