hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
