i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
