**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
