quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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