if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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