I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This beer is not sobering me up at all
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
