its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
