Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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