mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
