She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
