went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
