I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
