i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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