I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
