I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
