capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
