I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ugly people sure do ruin things
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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