So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
