FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
