My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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