Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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