you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
