Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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