i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
