DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
