my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
