I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
