I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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