You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
