you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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