I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
