What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
