Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
