I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
