in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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