After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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