I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
