his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
