She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
