Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
