Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
