first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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