if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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